Sinatra Cycle: Goodbye
by Alicia McKenzie
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Marvel, and are used without permission for entertainment purposes only. This is set within CABLE #73, where Cable comes to San Francisco to say goodbye to X-Force before heading off to meet his destiny. This story should be read as the missing ‘other half’ of Cable and Domino’s conversation in that issue. ;) Hey, a girl can hope, can’t she? :)
AUTHOR’S NOTE: The concept of the ‘Sinatra Cycle’ is basically non-connected scenes from various periods and pivotal moments in Cable and Domino’s mutual history, accompanied by Sinatra lyrics. For those of you who don’t know, Sinatra is canonically Cable’s favorite singer, and I find it uncanny how many of his songs ‘fit’. I got all the lyrics for this and further installments from the Sinatra Songbook at www.vex.net/~buff/sinatra/song_index.html and I’m using them all without permission, for entertainment purposes only.
“That’s why I’ve come to say my goodbyes.”
I stopped dead. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” I asked, my voice rising in anger as he did the same and turned to face me. “Nathan, you son of a bitch. . .”
A rueful, rueful smile. “I’m going to start thinking you don’t love me anymore, Dom. Are you going to hit me again?”
*Bastard. . .* “I just might,” I said tightly. I did NOT like this. Sure, I’d taken a great deal of pleasure in making him kiss the pavement a few minutes ago. Probably too much. But now that I’d vented a little, I was getting my balance back and sizing him up.
I’d been too angry, the last time. . .that monumental argument of ours in New York. Not too angry to see, mind you; just too angry to care. Inwardly, I squirmed, exasperated by the little ripple of guilt the memory still provoked.
He still looked haggard and exhausted. But there was something else there, too, a wildness in his eyes that I’d never seen before. Frankly, it scared the shit out of me. I chewed on my lower lip, trying to think of what to say to him.
“Goodbye as in you don’t want us involved in this?” I finally asked, unable to keep the snarl from my voice. I meant me, of course. Part of me wished I hadn’t asked the question. If he said no. . .
I shook my head, irritated. The gall of me, really. I’d let him go his own way for all this time acting as if I didn’t care, even after our link had broken, and now I suddenly decided that I wanted a part in his life? I hated being inconsistent.
That wildness faded for a moment, his gaze clearing. A faint smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he reached up, tracing the side of my face with his techno-organic hand. I shivered. The metal was cool, as always, but now it seemed like a reflection of something else, a deeper chill. . .
“You know,” he said, very gently, “that this wasn’t the reason I created X-Force. I know you know that, Dom. . .”
And I did. Even though we’d never talked about it, right out, I knew that there was more to this team. . .to this family. . .than simply back-up for Nate’s personal crusade. That was why he’d gone off by himself so often, why he’d always maintained that little bit of distance, that little bit of separation between X-Force matters and his own business. “And what about me?” I asked, my voice coming out hoarse, almost pleading. Pleading. Damn it. Maybe I should have kicked him around just a LITTLE more. . .
“They need you,” Nathan said simply.
Asshole. The one thing he could have said to me. . .the one appeal that he damned well KNEW I’d never be able to deny.
“And what about you?” I raised my head, met his eyes unflinchingly. Challengingly. “What do you need, Nathan?” But his gaze was hazy and distant again, and I felt a pang at his withdrawal. *Leaving me. . .he’s leaving me, and it’s my fault, for letting him go. . .*
#I’m not leaving you,# his voice said in my mind. A gasp escaped me before I could stop myself. He reached out and took my hand, holding on to it tightly as I started to back away.. #That’s not what this is, Dom. It’s just doing what has to be done.#
I didn’t call him on it. If I’d gotten into the habit of bitching at him for fatalism, I’d have been nagging him for the last eighteen years straight. “Your telepathy. . .” I said uncertainly, focusing on the inconsequential.
“Is back,” he said, aloud. “Has been for a little while. . .”
I swallowed. “I’m glad,” I said softly. I didn’t ask about the link. First of all, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. . .second of all, I knew what the answer would be, if I decided to ask, considering that he was here saying goodbye. Still, part of me wished. . .
“I want. . .more than anything, to stay,” he whispered, staring at my hand in his. “With you and the kids. To just let this. . .go. Forget I have an appointment with fate.” He tried vainly to smile. “I don’t think I can tell you how much I want that, Dom. . .”
Tell him, my conscience nagged at me, and I gave in. “I wish you would,” I said, my voice shaking. My vision was blurring with tears that I only managed to hold back by a sheer act of will. “Oh, God, Nate, I wish you would. . .”
My imagination fleshed it out, all too helpfully. I would tell him to stay, he’d say yes. I’d drag him into the warehouse, the kids would be thrilled. . .
And he’d LIVE. He wouldn’t be standing here in full-blown martyr mode, trying to make his peace with the world because he was expecting to leave it. He’d stay with me. . .with us, and live. . .
“But I can’t,” he murmured. “I can’t stay. Wanting doesn’t change that. I have to finish this, one way or another.”
“I know.”
It was the hardest two words I’d ever said. I leaned forward, against his chest, closing my eyes as I felt his arms go around me.
“Let’s go see the kids,” he said after a long moment, his voice rough with emotion.
“Yeah,” I said, pulling back and donning my mask again, smiling faintly. “I can’t wait to see how you explain this all to them.”
“I’ve always been creative,” he said dryly.
“That’s one way to put it.”
We walked back to the warehouse. He didn’t let go of my hand, all the way there.
There is no great big ending
No sunset in the sky
There is no string ensemble
And she doesn't even cry
And just as I begin to say
That we should make another try
She reaches out across the table
looks at me
and quietly says good-bye
There is no big explosion
No tempest in the tea
The world does not stop turning round
There's no big tragedy