The Night Before
by Darkchilde
Disclaimer: Not mine, all Marvel's. This is set around X-Force ninteen. Yes, I know Tabitha's jaw was broken when they left.
Sam stared at the starless sky from his bedroom window with eyes filled with pain. He had failed. He had failed the professor, his teammates, and Cable.
The Professor would be all right physically, thank Heavens. But what about emotionally? He had been shot, by a man that looked exactly like the one that his former students chose to follow. How would he deal with that?
Sam looked down at the bottle in his hand. "This one's for you Professor." He tipped the bottle back and poured the liquid down his throat. It burned a path all the way down, but Sam didn't notice.
What about his teammates? He had failed them, too. He was suppose to be the leader, the one that kept them from getting caught in exactly these kinds of situations. They were all under house arrest, with the threat of the Vault hanging over their heads.
Again, Sam poured the amber liquid down his throat, a tear finding it's way down his cheek.
Cable…he had failed him the worst of all. Sam couldn't shake the feeling that if he had just done something different, been quicker, been smarter…Cable would still be here.
"But Ah wasn't." Sam whispered, leaning against the windowpane. "Ah wasn't enough to save Cable."
He was shaken from his thoughts when a small hand was laid on his shoulder. He turned slowly, expecting Bobby, or Lila, or even Jean. To his surprise, Tabitha was the one looking at him, her small face concerned.
"Are you okay?" Tabitha asked him, her voice loud in the darkness. Sam clutched the bottle tighter, and nodded, not looking directly at her. "Liar."
"Excuse me?" Sam asked, finally looking her in the eyes.
"You heard me. You're lying." Tabitha told him, reaching up to rub her jaw, as though it ached. That simple movement was enough to bring another flood of self-loathing coursing through Sam's mind.
It had been his fault that she had broken her jaw, his fault that she had been there at all. He had asked for her there, wanted her there-for reasons that he now didn't even remember all that clearly. Tabitha wasn't a warrior; he should have gotten Shatterstar, or Jimmy, even Feral or Rictor would have been better.
But he had asked for her. Not because she was the best choice, or that her powers would be valuable. He had simply wanted her to be the one with him.
Maybe because, of all his teammates, she had been the one fighting along side him against the MLF the longest. Maybe because, like him, she had understood and respected Cable, and deserved to know if the man that she respected had been the one to shoot the professor.
Or maybe he had just wanted her there because she made him smile. With her hundred mile a minute chattering about nothing and her horrible jokes, she made him smile. And it had been such a horrible situation-maybe he had just wanted her there to lighten it in her own unique way.
Whatever his reason, it still wasn't good enough. He had put her in danger; he had let her get hurt. He had failed her, just as he had failed everyone else.
"Sam?" Tabitha asked, breaking into his thoughts once more. "Yoo-hoo…Sam?" She waved a hand in front of his face.
"What is it Tabitha?" He asked, his voice low.
Tabitha looked at him for a long minute, her eyes somber and dark. There were worry lines between her eyebrows, and her mouth was pulled down at the corners. It was the most serious he had seen her look in a long time.
"I heard you talking to yourself. Are you okay?" Tabitha looked into his own eyes with worry.
"Ah'm fine." Sam whispered, turning away from her and her penetrating gaze that he had never know her to have.
"You're not a failure Sam." Tabitha's voice was warm in his ear. He stiffened, still refusing to look at her. Tabitha went on. "How could you know that we would be held by the X-Men? You did what you thought was best for us, and we all know it. We know you had our best interests at heart."
"Do you really believe that Tabitha?" His real question was really 'Do you really believe in ME?' and they both knew it.
"I always have." Tabitha whispered, stepping forward, and hesitantly putting her hands on his back, rubbing gently. Sam let his forehead fall forward until it rested on the pane of glass, closing his eyes. A single tear trickled down his cheek.
Tabitha didn't know what else to do, didn't know how far Sam would let her go. She pulled her hands back to her body, and tightened them into fists, waiting for his next move.
She didn't have to wait long.
"Why?!" He demanded, spinning to face her. His face was contorted with pain and self-hate. "Why do you believe that?!"
The young woman stared at him as though truly seeing him for the first time. He always acts so brave, so in control, she thought. But maybe that's all an act?
My god, Tabitha thought, her eyes suddenly widening. He's only nineteen. After everything that he's been through, all the fights, all the training, all the loss, all the strain everyone has always put on him, I'd forgotten. Like everyone else, I'd forgot.
He's not Cable; he's not the professor; he's not even Cyclops. He's just a nineteen-year-old kid trying to live up to somebody else's expectations, trying to live up to his own too high expectations. He's just a kid. Like me.
Tabitha bridged the gap between them quickly, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him. She always knew that she was bold, but this was pushing it, even for her.
But, not even her own boldness, surprised her as much as Sam hugging her back.
Tabitha had always been rather fond of her overly tall leader. When they'd been New Mutants, before Cable, she'd always found him to be rather sweet, but not quite crush worthy.
And then Cable had come, had taken them in and began to teach them. That's when the change in Sam had really become apparent to her. He went from a scrawny, sweet kid, to a strong young man with determination and drive, but still managed to hold onto his sweetness. She's ignored the actual strength of her new interest, until he'd floored her in Japan.
She didn't even realized that she had cared about him, like that anyway, until she'd thought that she might lose him; even if it WAS perhaps a remote chance.
She had kissed him, in an attempt to find out just why she was so jealous. The action itself had surprised her; the sheer emotion that the action stirred up had shocked her. But the thing that utterly and absolutely floored her was the way he had kissed back.
So, Tabitha held him now, giving him what little comfort she knew to give. And the fact that he accepted it stunned her.
Sam trembled slightly as he held the small blonde close to him, amazed by the weakness her close proximity caused in his knees.
He'd always thought she was pretty; he was the first to admit that anything small and blue-eyed drew his attention. But her bubble-headed exterior had turned him off, so nothing grew past that first spark of interest.
Until they had been preparing to leave for their new lives as X-Force, leaving the New Mutants in the dust. She'd looked so…sad when he had come to get her, tell her that they were getting ready to leave. He had spoken, ignoring the way she jumped at the sound of his voice. He couldn't for the life of him remember what he had said, all he remembered was that she had agreed with it, in that flighty way of hers.
Then she had stunned him. She'd admitted to him she'd thought about splitting, but had decided to stick around. For reasons unknown to him, that statement stuck him in the growing feeling he had for her, made it grow a little bit more.
She'd asked why he was staying, and he'd given the reason to her. She'd teased him a bit, but even he could hear the respect in her voice. He'd ask her why she was sticking around, and she'd blushed and looked down. After a minute more, she had finally told him why she was staying, seemingly rather embarrassed.
To this day, he still didn't know why he done what he'd done next. He'd wrapped his arms around her, the same way she was doing now, and told her that she could trust him. And her next words still surprised him, even now.
"I know Guthrie. With my life…with my heart."
He pulled back from her embrace, back in the present, and looked down into her eyes. It was then, and only then, that he noticed the dried tearstains on her cheeks.
His response to everything that hurt him kicked in; instead of focusing on himself, he focused on someone else's problems.
"What's wrong Boomer? Why were you crying?" Sam asked her, his voice no longer edged with the self-hate it had been. He'd locked it away again, just like Cable had taught him.
"I-I just…Cable's gone, or dead, or SOMETHING. He's not here, and it's…weird. I mean, when I first hooked up with you guys, it was like nobody REALLY wanted us. We just kinda floated around, with no where to call home. And then Cable shows up, and he DOES want us, or it seems that he does. He took care of us you know? Sorta like a dad. A real bad ass dad, but still sorta like that. Does that make any sense at all?" Tabitha asked, looking up at Sam.
He nodded, suddenly holding back his own tears. "Ah know exactly what you mean…that's just exactly what Ah'm feeling right now."
Tabitha hadn't bothered to hold back her tears; they were streaming down her face. "It was cool. I mean…I never really had like a dad that didn't…never mind, you don't wanna hear about that." Tabitha cut herself off.
Sam put a hand on her shoulder, and used the other one to tilt her chin up so that she was looking in his eyes. "Yeah Ah do, Tabby. What-what happened with you and your daddy?"
Tabitha tried to turn her head away, but he wouldn't let her, lifting his other hand to gently cup her face. "Tabs?"
Tabitha settled for averting her eyes, like she was looking around for another subject. Hoping this one would just go away if she ignored it long enough. But Sam wasn't about to let it drop; he had realized by now that it was something horrible, and he was determined to help her, if she wanted him to or not.
"What did he do to you, honey?" Sam asked for a third time, the term of endearment slipping out of it's own free will.
She wasn't sure if it was the worry on his face, or the affectionate title, or something else completely, but the words began to flow from her mouth like water.
"He-he didn't much like the fact that I was a mutant. So-so he tried to make it go away." Tabitha told him, shaking. Something about her stance, the way she said the words set warning bells ringing in Sam's head.
"How, honey?" Again the sweet word slipped from his lips. Sam didn't notice this time. Tabitha refused to answer, her eyes still averted, tears slipping down her cheeks. He dropped his hands from her face, and leaned his forehead against hers, just as he had done with the window. "Did he hurt you, Tabby?"
Tabitha couldn't say anything, tears pouring down her cheeks. All she could do was nod.
Sam pulled her into his arms, and held her there tightly, just as she had done for him. Her small body shook with sobs from years of remembered pain.
For an immeasurable amount of time, the two stood there, Tabitha's tears soaking his shirt. Sam didn't mind though, he just continued to hold the girl, until she was all cried out.
She was still in his arms after all the tears had passed, liking the warmth she got from him. Sam still stroked her short blonde hair, feeling it curly around his fingers. He murmured nonsense words into her hair, still holding her.
After a while, Sam thought she was asleep. Her breathing was slow and steady, and with strong arms, he lifted her and carried her to his bed. He lay her down gently, pulling the blankets up around her. He pulled back, intending to let her sleep, when a hand grabbed his shirt.
He looked back down, and found himself staring into Tabitha's wide blue eyes. Sam reached out to touch her hand gently, and knelt down beside the bed.
"What is it?" Sam asked, all set for another storm of weeping.
"Why do you think you could have saved Cable?" Tabitha asked, her eyes on his face. Sam stared at her for a minute, then turned away. Tabitha's fingers on his wrist kept him from leaving, no matter how much he may have wanted to.
Finally he gave up and decided to answer her question. "'Cause Ah just do. Okay?"
"No, that's not a good answer." Tabitha said, sitting up and looking at him. "Why do you think you could have saved him?"
"Because…that's what he trained me, us, to do!" Sam wailed, sitting down on the bed and turning from her. He buried his head in his hand, not noticing when Tabitha squirmed around to sit next to him, putting an arm around her shoulders.
"It isn't your fault Sam." Tabitha told him, hugging him close. "None of it was."
"Ah'm suppose to be a High Lord. Ah'm suppose to do all these wonderful things, but Ah can't even save mah teacher when he needed me the most." Sam whimpered.
Tabitha surprised him, by pulling his head around and forcing him to look into her eyes. They were fierce with something that Sam couldn't put his finger on.
"Listen to me Sam. You couldn't have saved him, hell, all the friggin' X-teams together couldn't have! It's no more your fault then it is anyone else's. The only one to blame is Stryfe. He's the ONLY ONE." Tabitha told him, still holding his chin.
"When you say that, Ah almost believe you." Sam whispered, tears dropping down his face.
Tabitha stared at him for a long moment, her own tears trickling down her cheeks. And, then the last thing either of them ever expected exploded around them. Their mouths locked to one another, and their hands yanked and pulled at their clothes.
And they gave each other the reassurance that they were both craving so desperately.
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