by Alicia McKenzie
DISCLAIMER: Most of the characters belong to Marvel, and are used without permission for entertainment purposes only. Kai is Kaylee's, used with permission. This is a follow-up of sorts to my earlier Kai and Logan, Raven Skies, although it can also be read on its own, as thematically it does stand alone and any references are self-explanatory.
There was this little bench out in the backyard, one of those fancy wrought-iron ones that looked like it had come straight out of some designer catalogue. Ugly as sin, if you asked me. It was positioned, just so, under a big oak tree. Not a bad place to sit on a nice afternoon if you were into lounging around like a refugee from Gone With The Wind.
As a general rule, though, I didn't see many people sitting out there at one in the morning. Even on nights like this.
And damn, but it was a gorgeous night. Just a touch of a cool breeze, blissfully quiet, and not a cloud in the sky. Letting the back door swing shut behind me, I stood there and stared up at the stars for a long moment, savoring the sight. So many more stars out here than there were in the city. . .it was one of the best things about the mansion, if you asked me.
Smiling faintly, I strode across the lawn and sat down beside him on the bench. "Hank's looking for you," I said casually, slouching. "Muttering dire things about sedatives and chains, actually. I don't think you're supposed to be out of the infirmary yet."
Cable glanced sideways at me. His eye glowed soft gold in the dark, giving off just enough light to let me see his disgusted expression. "Since when did you start running McCoy's errands for him?" he growled.
"We're full of ourselves tonight, aren't we?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "I just happened to see you through the window, and thought I'd give you a heads-up. Pardon me for breathing, pal. . ." Prick plops down in MY spot and has the nerve to be cheeky with me?
His eyes narrowed and he turned away, muttering something under his breath. I knew better than to think it was an apology.
"Pardon? Didn't catch that, Cable. . ."
"I said I didn't see your name on the bench," he grumbled, shifting awkwardly. His leg was pretty heavily bandaged, and he winced as he straightened, obviously in a fair bit of pain from the stab wound, still. I wasn't particularly surprised. Even with the benefit of Shi'ar technology, he was going to need more than a couple of days to recover from a knife in the back. Really, Hank was right. He shouldn't be out wandering around. . .
Especially not hogging MY stargazing spot. "So what are you doing? Hiding from Scott?" I asked archly. From what I'd heard, Cable still hadn't given his father a 'satisfactory' explanation for how he'd ended up in the mansion's infirmary with several sizeable holes in his sorry carcass.
Not that I blamed him, mind you. That blood rite stupidity that Logan, Domino, Bridge and I had been 'privileged' enough to witness wasn't something that I could see him being especially eager to explain. Particularly not to Scott, who could probably write the book on parental overcompensation. Dueling like some kind of goddamned medieval knight. . .remind me to be a good fifty miles away when that discussion finally does go down. . .
"Feel free, Kai. Actually, feel free to leave right now if you want."
Hint, hint. . . "Plenty of room out here for both of us," I said, baring my teeth at him amiably. "Don't mind me. Go right on brooding. I don't mind. Really."
"I am not brooding," Cable said stiffly, looking up at the sky. "Why is everyone always jumping to that conclusion?"
"Because you walk around with your own personal cloud of gloom attached, maybe?" I suggested.
"Well, pardon the flonq out of me, Kai. This hasn't exactly been a week for the record books. . ." He started to get up and then sank back down with a hiss of pain. "Oath!"
"You really need to learn to duck one of these days."
"Oh, shut up!"
"Or trade in the martyr complex and the holier-than-thou attitude for a healing factor. . ."
"Kai, what do you want?" he grated, turning toward me slowly, his eye blazing more brightly. "You've already told me exactly what you thought of the blood rite. You, and G.W., and Dom. . .Dom's been lecturing at me non-stop for the last two flonqing days! Oath! I've pretended I was unconscious a couple of times so that I didn't have to listen to her!"
"Not very nice. . ." I teased, and was almost sorry at the pained look he gave me.
"I'm not in the mood to listen," he grated. "It's done. What is. . ."
"Oh, save it," I said disgustedly. "It's past midnight. . .you don't need to be dragging out the proverbs." I eyed him skeptically. "Can't you ever give it a rest?" I asked, a little sharply. "It's like you're always on stage or something." He started to protest and I kept right on going, almost ruthlessly. "These last couple of days. . .shit, even us non-psis have been getting headaches from all the tension in the air. Wherever you go, angst follows. . .is it a Summers thing?"
"Amiability wasn't on top of the list of necessary survival skills where I came from," he snarled, struggling to get to his feet. He swayed for a minute, hobbling. I reached out a hand to support him, and he made a move as if to slap it away.
Such a charmer. "I'd never have guessed," I said dryly. "Sit down before you fall over. You really need to learn to relax once in a while, you know. . ."
He sank back down onto the bench, breathing heavily. "It was stupid," he said in a low voice. "All of it. I could have thrown everything I've worked for away just to salve my own conscience. . .I can't believe how irresponsible the whole thing was."
Ah-ha. I was wondering how long that would take. . . I didn't know whether it was the rite, or whether Domino had finally hammered it into his head that he shouldn't feel responsible for the accident all those years ago that had caused those Canaanites to come back to this time hunting him, but he seemed to be past that guilt and well into the second-guessing himself stage. "Sort of pointless to kick yourself in the ass about it now," I pointed out. "What happened to all that 'what is, is' crap?"
He didn't seem to hear me. "You understand, I know you do," he said restlessly. "What it's like to lose yourself in the things you've done. . .or haven't done."
His words hit me like a bucket of cold water in the face. "Yeah," I said a little hoarsely. "I do." My own past was a burden I carried around daily. . .I'd gotten a glimpse at his, finally, and I knew he wasn't blowing smoke. He really did understand. Of course, that didn't mean that I wanted to talk about it at the moment. . . "Look, Nate," I said awkwardly, and then hesitated. What the hell was I SUPPOSED to say, to him? Since when did I rate as one of his goddamned confidants? "Maybe we should go back in," I said, trying to sound reasonable even while part of me got more and more irritated. "I don't think this is doing you any good, sitting out here stewing. . ."
"Bright Lady, Kai," he said, sounding just as grouchy as I felt. "Don't mother me. I know I shouldn't be out here. Oath, I barely MADE it out here. . .Logan would have had a good laugh at my expense, I think. But I was. . ." He hesitated, his expression stiff, troubled. "I was lying there in that bed, and it was like I could feel time slipping away from me, bit by bit, minute by minute. . .I couldn't stand it. I just. . .had to get some air," he finished, rather lamely. His gaze flickered in my direction, and then he leaned his head back, staring up at the stars. "They are beautiful," he said, more quietly.
"Hell, yeah," I whispered, letting the silence drag on for a long moment before I finally looked back at him. "You ever going to tell Scott and Jean what went on?" I asked. "I wouldn't ask, usually, but I'm sick of getting glared at like I have a secret. . .well, I guess I do, but still. You know."
"I'll tell them in the morning," he muttered. "That should be fun." A strange noise came from him, and I realized, after a moment's reflection, that it was a laugh. "They won't understand."
"Probably not." But maybe they would. They'd raised him, after all. . .they had to have some inkling of the out-of-proportion sense of responsibility that had driven him to fight twelve Canaanites to atone for a mistake that hadn't even been his to begin with.
"Then again," he continued, "I wouldn't expect them to."
"'My parents don't understand me', huh?" I asked a little sardonically, staring back up at the stars. "I suppose they did miss your teenaged years and this is some perverse attempt to make up for that. . ."
"Kai?"
"What?"
"Be quiet."
I eyed him measuringly. "Or what?"
"Oh, did you take that as a threat?" He gave me what was supposed to be an innocent look; I laughed aloud. "Fine with me, if you want to ruin a perfect stargazing night needling me. . ." There was a suddenly wistful tone to his voice. "I miss them," he said, leaning back and staring into the sky again. "I really do."
"Them?" I asked, a little stupidly.
"The stars. I used to live up there, you know. For years."
I was hit by a sudden, irrational surge of envy. "Yeah," I mumbled. "Remember you talking about your space station. . ."
"Well, it wasn't mine," he said, almost cheerfully. "Not technically." He glanced sideways at me, almost mischievously.
"No?" I asked, intrigued despite myself.
"No, indeed. I stole it.""
"You. . .stole a space station." I shook my head slowly.
"Swiped it right out from under the noses of the Canaanite government. I really was after the TDC. . .the Time Displacement Core. . .but Greymalkin itself was a bonus." He grinned at me. "I think I could hear Parridian Haight howling from orbit. . ."
Why did I think I could sit here and listen to this man tell stories for the next ten years? "Cute. And then Magneto stole it from you. Almost poetic justice. . ."
"Not really," he said, his voice suddenly perfectly serious. His eye was still glowing as he turned to face me, more steadily now. "He didn't appreciate it like I did."
"Oh?" This was cute. I was down to monosyllables, here.
"To him it was an island, with walls to keep his people in and the rest of us out," Cable said, almost absently. "He missed the point." His eyes narrowed slightly, and he extended a hand, palm outwards.
I looked at it suspiciously. "I gather you're not asking me to dance."
"Hardly." His sudden smile was almost. . .shy. Keep in mind, that wasn't a description I've ever expected to apply to Nathan Summers, but I couldn't help it. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning, wanting to show off his newest toy but not quite sure I wasn't going to laugh at him. "Do you want to see?" he asked finally, breaking the silence.
My heart did an annoying little flip-flop thing. "See?" I repeated, inanely. *He didn't mean. . .that, did he?* My pulse picked up almost immediately, and I tried to ignore it, squelch the rising excitement. "I think I've had you crawling inside my head enough for one week," I said, hedging. IDIOT! part of me was screaming. What do you think you're doing?
"I won't be in your head," he said with a chuckle. "You'll be in mine." He leaned a little closer, his eye blazing, the expression on his face suddenly determined. "Come on," he said, almost challengingly. "I still owe you, I think, for throwing me that knife. . ."
"Hey, I said we were even," I said weakly. Was it my pride, I wondered absurdly? Whatever it was, I wish it would shut up and die. . ."You answered my question about Anikia. . ."
His expression wavered for a moment. "Never mind that," he said, almost brusquely. "Look, I'm not going to force you, Kai. I just thought you might like. . ."
I reached out and took his hand. "Shut up," I said, trying to suppress the smile that wouldn't go away. "Show me. Just keep your 'hands' to yourself. . .no peeking." My stomach was one big mass of butterflies, I could almost hear my own pulse thundering in my ears. . .
"Wouldn't dream of it." His hand tightened on mine, almost reassuringly. "Close your eyes. Just relax. . ."
I did, and was hit by a sudden wave of dizziness, brief but overwhelming. What are you doing? a tiny, terrified part of me gibbered at me nonsensically, pointing out all the dark corners and darker memories he'd see if we were linked. Because that was what he had to be doing, if he was going to show me. . .
#Don't scowl like that. Your face will freeze that way.# Sunlight shone in the dark, bright and unwavering and warm, and then reached out to me, tugging me gently away from everything that was me. . .
Into the light.
I was a pebble in a landslide, a feather on the wind, a tiny fish carried along in a great, shining river. . .
Tumbling over the edge of a waterfall, hanging in the empty air. . .
In the void, in the dark. . .
Floating. . .
#Open your eyes,# Cable's voice whispered.
There wasn't any ground beneath me anymore. . .if I opened my eyes, I was going to fall. I shook my head wildly.
#You're not going to fall, Kai. I won't let you. And you're not in the dark, either. Look.#
I opened my eyes.
I was floating amid the stars.
They were all around me, too many to count. Thousands. Millions. Smaller stars, bigger stars. . .fainter, brighter. Some even had color to them. I hadn't know that. Oh, I'd know, intellectually, that stars were different colors, but I didn't know the human eye was able to see them. I didn't know. . .
I didn't know. . .how beautiful. . .
Constellations. To hell with the constellations. I couldn't even begin to pick them out. . .it was too much.
I was there, among the stars. And they didn't seem distant. Didn't make me feel small.
I felt. . .
So free.
Cable?
#I'm right here.#
I looked down, and almost wished I hadn't. Whoa. . .
#You're not going to fall. There's no 'down', Kai. This is space, remember? Besides. . .this has already happened. We're just reliving it.#
Reliving it. Secondhand? This wasn't secondhand. This couldn't, by any stretch of the imagination, be called secondhand. My mind shoved the description away, almost violently.
I'd seen half a dozen different kinds of virtual reality. The Danger Room itself was so true to life that it beggared the imagination sometimes.
But this. . .
This. . .
This was real. This was real on so many levels that the word 'real' wasn't deep enough to describe it. . .
It's both of us, isn't it? What I'm feeling. . . The stunned awe, the joy was mine. . .but there was something else. This deep, exquisite ache that made me feel like my heart was going to explode. . .
#I could change that. . .separate us. . .#
No!
Was this me? Me, who distrusted telepaths. . .Logan would be laughing his ass off.
#Look,# Cable's voice said, and I smiled in helpless awe at a shower of shooting stars. #Closer, look. . .#
They were every bit as beautiful, at close range. Still magical.
#And there. . .#
A comet, a great chunk of ice that seemed to glow from within, trailing a great iridescent tail behind it. . .
#And there.#
The moon, larger than life, in a solitary circle, pale and wise and keeping its secrets. . .
#There's so much more, Kai. . .#
And all of this was just memories? He remembered it so vividly. How could he remember everything, so. . .
#Because it is everything I can't have,# his voice said softly, grief etching every word.
Nathan. . . Why did this hurt him so much? I didn't understand. . .
#You don't have to, and I don't think I could explain, anyway. Just be here, Kai. Let me see this through your eyes.#
This?
Why was I suddenly so certain he didn't mean the stars?
#Turn around, Kai.#
I turned.
And somewhere back in the real world, every bit of air left my lungs in a shuddering sigh as I looked at Earth.
I'd seen pictures. I'd marveled at them.
It wasn't the same.
Blue. The blue swallowed me, stretched out beneath me, broken only by the masses of land, the white of the clouds.
It was vast and peaceful and so very beautiful. . .
It was home. I felt a sudden, fierce, possessive joy.
I was a child of that blue world. And it was as beautiful as the stars. More. More beautiful. . .
What is that? I asked suddenly as I heard it. It was like a vast drum, beating at the far edge of my here-and-now enhanced perceptions.
Wasn't space supposed to be silent?
#A heartbeat.#
Mine. . .yours?
#Hers.#
The blue world turned in its orbit, and I saw the sun rise from space.
So sudden, the flash of light breaking across the face of the planet. . .
So beautiful.
Hers.
How could a planet have a heart?
#How could a world not?#
The sunlight flashed across us, and I felt the warmth. I opened my eyes wide and let the light in, let it reach every dark corner and chase every shadow away. . .
Until I saw nothing but the light.
***
I opened my watering eyes, and only then realized that those were tears, pouring down my face. As Cable took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking down at me, I ducked my head, looking away and wiping tears away hurriedly.
"I hate you," I said with a shaky chuckle.
"Oh?"
Well, it was nice to see someone else reduced to monosyllables. Made me feel a little better, at least. "Oh," I mimicked him, trying for a mocking tone and failing miserably. "How the hell am I ever going to be able to bitch at you sincerely after this?"
He still had my hand. He squeezed it gently, and then let go. "Well, you could always take lessons from Dom. . ."
"Oh, shut up," I said, laughing helplessly. "Asshole."
"I know." He got up, stiffly, wincing. "Help me back to the house?" he asked, sounding embarassed.
"Sure. I'll even distract Hank for you, if you like." I offered in a sudden surge of gratitude.
"You're too kind," he said dryly as we headed back towards the mansion, slowly. He was leaning on me heavily, but seemed steady enough on his feet. "I've been thinking a lot. I do remember some of the names we gave the constellations, in my time. It's strange. . .I could never remember, before."
"The names of stars, huh?"
"Some of them are beautiful," Cable said wistfully. "And they had stories behind them, too. . ."
"Tell me?"
Our eyes met, for a moment. "Why not?" he said with a smile, and started to tell me about myths still waiting to be born.
fin