Tabitha
by Rhona Highet
Disclaimer: Marvel own the characters. I don't. You know the rules.
Note: This is Tabitha's thoughts. There's no dialogue (I know some people out there have trouble with stories that don't have dialogue).
My dad used to say "Tabitha, you always get out of life what you deserve." I guess I got what I deserved. I mean, it's not as if I'm complaining about my life but couldn't I just for once get something more? But I always get dumped on or beaten or rejected. Maybe that's what I deserve. I tried to do something good once. Sabretooth. I try and help him but all my good intentions went down the drain. Psylocke got hurt because of me. She almost died. Did she deserve that? I don't know. All I know is anything I do always turns to shit.
It was cool being a mutant when I was younger. I could do what I damn well pleased and I usually did. There was a group of us called The New Mutant who used to hang out together. Those were really good times. But the good times never last and we all ended up going our seperate ways. Some of us became X-Force. Sam and I started dating each other.
We had some great times. I think that's when my life really took a turn for the worst. I don't think I was ready for all that responsibility stuff that Cable used to lecture us on at great length. To me it was one long party.
Come to think of it, things went wrong about the time Sam left me for the X-Men. I guess I was hurt that he would choose them over me. I was still the little blonde bimbo at that time. The shell only developed after Sabretooth. That's when Meltdown came into being. Guess that I thought that if I could act tough then I'd be tough. For a while it actually worked. I felt different, felt more confident and more than just Tabitha Smith. It was really cool. I was really happy and then Operation: Zero Tolerance happened and I lost some of my family. Well, I lost Cable who sort of was like a father to me. He was cool and he took care of us like we were his own. I lost Domino too. She was the only sort of mother figure I had. She was tough and strong. I wanted to be like that. She also knew how to have fun.
When we went out on our own it felt a bit wierd at first. We weren't fighting anyone or doing anything that the mutant teams normally do. Bobby didn't have any money or anything so most of the time we were just hanging out in dumps. Not that I have anything against those sorts of places. Hell, I grew up in places like that. But Bobby wasn't used to it. It did him some good though. I mean, he started acting normal. That's about the time we started getting closer to each other.
Me and Bobby. It was cool. Like something else. We'd make out in the back of the car while the others were out wandering about the shops. Sam never did that with me. I guess Bobby was more adventurous than Sam ever was. Maybe I just needed a quick thrill. You know, so I knew I was alive. I mean it's been ages since we went up against the big 'A' list villans. It's like we're....I don't know what we are any more. Bobby gave me something to hold on to, something to do. He didn't have any money but that didn't matter to him any more, it didn't matter to me. We had fun, we were teenages. Of course because I was happy something bad had to happen.
Reignfire came back. Yeah, finally some action but it wasn't as cool as I though it was. I did feel alive again when I was fighting Reignfire.
To use my mutant powers again was like being set free from the chains that had supressed me for so long. I was Meltdown, Boomer and Boom Boom all at once. I was tough, I was funny and I was happy. Guess the mutant gig thing wasn't as bad as I remembered it. Maybe it was the fact that it wasn't Xavier or Cable or anybody else controling me. I had the freedom to do what I wanted with my powers. Pretty cool, huh? Well I thought so.
Bobby changed after that. He got his money back. With the money came the ego. It was like my Bobby had disappeared. At first I just shut up about it and went along for the ride. We went to Haiwii which was cool but Bobby kept flirting with anything in a grass skirt. I was jealous of course. I was also POed with him and his money. Didn't he learn anything from the time we were together? Money isn't everything but to him it seems to be the only important thing.
That's the big difference between Sam and Bobby. They have different priorities. Like with Sam, his family and friends always came first. Bobby isn't like that. I guess with Sam having a big family he's more used to looking after those closest to him. He gave up his life for his family. He went to work in the mines. I don't see Bobby doing that. Of course Bobby cares about his friends but I don't think that we're number one on his list. I think his status is more important than us. But he grew up in a different world from Sam and me. He had all that he ever wanted while Sam had nothing and me, well I just drifted from one place to the next. It makes me wonder some times why Bobby's still with me. He could have ten girls on his arm. So why me? I don't think he can ever really love me. Not in the same way Sam loved me. Now that was an innocent and pure love. Like a fairy tale. I don't feel that way with Bobby. It's different. I don't know if I can discribe it. I know that I do love Bobby. Sometimes when I'm asleep with Bobby I kind of wonder what the hell I'm doing. Maybe it's sex and not love. I should know the difference right? Maybe I'm still a dumb kid who doesn't know shit.
Now if I want to know what true love is, all I have to do is look at Terry and Jimmy. They're like totally ga-ga over each other but they haven't admitted it to each other yet. They were really cute together 'til Feral ripped Terry's throat to shreds. Irish left the team not so long ago and Jimmy's been sulking ever since. He thought about phoning her the other day until Jesse pointed out that she couldn't really answer the phone. That just pissed Jimmy off further and he's not been seen for a few days now. I guess he's either gone to his old home or out to see Terry. I hope he's gone to see her and tell her how he really feels. What can I say? Aunty Tabitha sounds really good to me.
It's not as though I'm going to have any kids of my own. I'd rather be someone's aunt than they're mother. My mom wasn't exactly the greatest and I don't think I could handle looking after a baby twenty-four-seven. Besides, it'd only turn out as screwed up as me.
I guess that's the reason I'm leaving the team. I'm a screw up. I screwed up with Sam. I screwed up with Sabretooth. Hell, I've screwed up everything. So I'm going. Sneaking out in the middle of the night.
I promise I'll write to you all. Bobby, Sam please just forget about me and find some happiness. I'll be back one day, I promise. You've not seen the last of me. Promise.